no apologies

After blogging today about WW and HAES, and thinking about yesterday's entry about how other people's disdain colored my relationship with spiritual tradition, I find myself contemplating how often I apologize, whether inwardly or outwardly, for who I am, for the choices I made and for the way I feel. I do it so often that I will jump to the conclusion that I need to defend myself when it's not really necessary. And this is a lifetime Work for me.

I don't want to think of myself "in comparison to" (fill-in-the-blank). I'd rather think of myself "in the company of" or "in community with." That's hard to do, and is perhaps a legacy of growing up poor in the 80's... or a legacy of growing up in a media'd world, where most things are a commercial for something that's supposed to make you better/happier/shinier than you were on your own.

So I'm still taking inventory, but trying to keep it an inventory, or better yet, a story of where I am right now. And then not impose it over where someone else is right now, or where I was last hour. All roads led to here, here is pretty damned good, and I'll see where I'm going as I pass through. And... I'm not going to apologize for who I am.

Poke me if you catch me doing it, will you?